Holiday resorts and their killjoy rules

MUCH as we love breaking rules when we leave behind the straitjacket of office and home to slather dollops of artery-clogging butter on toast and down tubs-full of Belgian chocolate ice cream, there are times when we all have secretly applauded a goose-stepping maitre d' who firmly put out an upturned palm to say, "Sorry, no kids." There is something uniquely satisfying about a well-performed put-down that leaves insiders smug and secure in their hoity-toity world of unique privilege whether it be no toddlers, no shorts or no lumpen proletariats for neighbours.

But there are rules, and there are rules.

Some hotels don't allow kids under 12 while others ban old fogies. The Contiki Resort Bali, Seminyak, opened with great fanfare, avowedly only for sun-burnished fun lovers between 18 and 35, but soon ran out of steam as the young and restless ran out of pocket money and ran back home to cosy up to their dads. The place became The Breezes Bali, which now welcomes everyone, from tiny tots to proud exponents of male-pattern follicularly challenged heads.