Wretched crime caper missing more than just a dog

ONCE upon a time in Hollywood, circa 1990s, Bruce Willis was a major star for his Detective John McClane role in the Die Hard blockbuster series, and also for the sci-fi hits 12 Monkeys and The Fifth Element.

Once Upon a Time in Venice is where he can be found nowadays, in this depressingly wretched neo-noir comedy crime caper - the directorial debut of the Mark and Rob Cullen co-writer brothers credited with Willis' 2010 pic Cop Out, based on their screenplay - where armed assailants burst in on Willis mid-coitus, and Willis escapes by leaping off his bedroom balcony and skateboarding naked along the freeway, into a crowded neighbourhood bar, over the bar counter, then back o…