Cut the crap: a whodungit

LAST Saturday, I woke up to an alert that someone had taken a dump in my apartment complex's swimming pool. There was even a photo sent around as proof - true enough, amid the shimmering blue waters, there sat a sizeable turd.

Absurd, I thought. Who would even think of pooping in a pool? Would that even be comfortable, given the water pressure? Wouldn't your swimsuit get in the way?

But such fetid behaviour is apparently more common than one would think. Later that evening, a friend told me that his condo's swimming pool gets shut down (shat down?) at least once a year, due to human faeces.

The odious episode made me think about how years ago, at a previous workplace, I duelled a pooster. For those lucky enough to have never met such a creature, allow me to explain. A pooster is a…