The Art Of Being Disliked

THERE'S AN AMERICAN PROVERB that goes: "The squeaky wheel gets the grease" - which suggests that the louder you are, the more attention and help you'll get. In Japan, however, the popular saying is: "The nail that sticks out gets hammered down" - meaning, don't call attention to yourself, try to blend in with the crowd, or, in one word, conform.

Sociologists and psychologists studying cultures have long used this example as proof of the differences between the individualistic mindset of the West versus the collectivistic mindset of the East. The West, some say, is more likely to celebrate its rebels, eccentrics, revolutionaries and iconoclasts. In the East, the overarching emphasis is to belong to a group or cause bigger than yourself.

All these make the self-help book The Courage To Be Disliked something of a surprise bestseller in Asia, with sales of over 3.5 million copies in the region. These numbers rival the sort of figures Marie Kondo attained for her book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing (2011), and that book supposedly changed the way millions lead their daily lives.