Friendsgiving - a new American tradition

Washington

SHAUNA Alexander's Friendsgiving story began in the traditional way: She was avoiding her family.

"I was having some tough times with my parents - as one does when they're 25," she recalls. "It was just growing pains with the folks."

So, instead of going home to New York for Thanksgiving that year, Ms Alexander lied and told her parents that she had to work on Friday and was stuck in Washington. Then she went out and bought the video game Rock Band, cooked a bunch of food and invited all her friends who were left in town over for dinner. The evening was laid-back and boozy and so, so much fun. That was five years ago - and Ms Alexander hasn't been home for Thanksgiving since.

She is among those who ardently believe in the superiority of a Thanksgiving spent with friends. Benefits: no travel, no drama and the ability to sleep in your own bed, assuming that you don't pass out on your buddy's sofa. It's not that Friendsgiving advocates aren't thankful for family. They definitely are. Just, you know, from a distance.

"There's something to be said for friends being the family you choose, as cliche as that statement is," says Ms Alexander, now 31. "You get to be with people you actually want to be around, and aren't just obligated to be around - crazy aunts and uncles and brothers you might not get along with."

These days, Ms Alexander's Thanksgivings have a wonderful Island of Misfit Toys feeling. A dozen or more people show up every year, bearing side dishes and bottles of wine. Movies such as Home Alone 2 play on the television of her rowhouse while preparations are underway. And by midnight, Ms Alexander has usually sneaked off to bed, but the party will rage on without her.

It was the travel that finally got to Oscar Gonzalez. He and his wife, Andrea, had been travelling back to their home state of Texas for years. But five years ago, they decided to skip the Thanksgiving trip. "And it was nice, not hunting for airfare that wasn't extremely expensive," he says. "Not having to deal with delays and all of that."

They were happy to find that there were plenty of people around to celebrate the holiday with them. "I think DC is the kind of town where there are a lot of people who are from somewhere else, and sometimes friends aren't able to go home," says Mr Gonzalez, 39.

Now all their friends know that there's an open invitation to Thanksgiving at the Gonzalezes'.

Annie Craig also wanted a reason to get together. "Any excuse for a party is a good one," says the 29-year-old lawyer. And Thanksgiving "seems like a friend-appropriate holiday". But she didn't want to miss celebrating with her family in Indianapolis, either. So she decided to do both, hosting a Friendsgiving celebration last Sunday before going home for Turkey Day. There was a spreadsheet to organise who would bring what among the nearly 20 guests who gathered in the community room of a Washington apartment building. To Ms Craig, this is the best of both worlds, and more of everything - including cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie.

This year, Ms Alexander is preparing to move to Middleburg, Virginia, so her annual Friendsgiving will be held at a friend's house. But the traditions will remain intact. They will name the turkey and give it a 48-hour brine. Everyone will come, and she will again attempt an Irish goodbye - slipping out the door without saying farewell.

And for the record, she once again has a great relationship with her parents - people she refers to as "amazing". But she's still not going home. This is her day.

"My parents totally get it, and they're okay with it now," she says. "They've come to know that that's my holiday weekend to just exist. It's nice to have those four days to just breathe." WP