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Krampus.

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The Star Wars Holiday Special

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Scared Of Santa: Scenes Of Terror In Toyland, by Denise Joyce & Nancy Watkins

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The Night Before Christmas by David Hasselhoff

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Hung For The Holidays by William Hung

Christmas for the naughty

For misbehaving in 2018, you deserve to be punished. Santa dictates you must lock yourself in a room and endure the weirdest Christmas entertainment ever made
Dec 21, 2018 5:50 AM

MOVIE

Krampus

You better watch out, you better not lie. You better not sin, I’m telling you why: Krampus is coming to swallow you alive. Just as Santa rewards all the good girls and boys, Krampus punishes those who have been bad. According to European legend, this so-called Demon of Christmas secretly watches over every home to see which families don’t respect Christmas. He then sets out to catch them, bind them in chains and take them underground to be eaten. In 2015, Michael Dougherty made a low-budget film about the horned creature that is half-goat, half-demon terrorising a family of non-believers. Despite lukewarm reviews, it did surprisingly well at the box-office and has since become a cult classic among horror fans.


TV

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The Star Wars Holiday Special

At the height of the Star Wars craze in the 1970s, CBS produced this Star Wars TV special that’s simply one of the worst Christmas shows ever made. It follows Hans Solo and Chewbacca as they head to Chewbacca’s family home to celebrate “Life Day” – a stand-in for Christmas. Chewbacca’s father is thoughtlessly named Itchy, his brother is named Lumpy. Because the show follows the format of variety programmes, there are awful cartoon and musical segments, with Princess Leia singing a song about “a day that takes us through the darkness”. The show was universally hated even by Star Wars fans and CBS never broadcasted it again or released it on home video. You can, however, find it on YouTube.  


BOOK

Scared Of Santa: Scene Of Terror In Toyland, by Denise Joyce & Nancy Watkins

Not everyone is convinced that Santa spreads cheer instead of fear. Just ask the many kids crying in terror as they’re forced to sit on the lap of a huge, heavily-bearded stranger in a red furry costume asking them what they’d like for Christmas. As far as these kids are concerned, Santa is scarier than circus clowns. Authors Denise Joyce and Nancy Watkins collected hundred of photos of petrified screaming kids and display them in the book along with hilarious captions, such as “’Twas the fright before Christmas” and “I hope you’re prepared to pay for my therapy sessions, Mum!”


MUSIC

The Night Before Christmas by David Hasselhoff and Hung For The Holidays by William Hung

In the 1990s, David Hasselhoff was the luckiest man in the world. He was the lead actor and executive producer of Baywatch, one of the sexiest and most successful TV series ever. Being wealthy and constantly surrounded by a bevy of beauties must have gotten into his head. After Baywatch’s run ended, he released a Christmas album in 2004 that’s critically regarded as one of the year’s worst. Hasselhoff sings about as well as a karaoke contestant, although he has a strong orchestra and choir to support his vocals. On the other hand, William Hung – that infamous American Idol aspirant – had no such luck. Backed up by a ho-hum band, his reed-thin voice warbles through some difficult songs such as O Come All Ye Faithful and Silver Bells, making his album even worse than Hasselhoff’s.