Down with efficiency! (When we get around to it)

WE ARE no longer achieving an acceptable level of whimsy. In even the smallest corners of daily life, we are asked to abandon delicious inefficiencies – the archaic flights of fancy, the capricious nonsense – in favour of a totalising commitment to the false idols of logic, regularity and efficacy.

It is time, in a disorganised and utterly decentralised way, to fight back. Away with the metric system; not only should we keep up with inches and miles – who needs the cold logic of 10s that can be found in metric? – but we should also return units such as the barleycorn, the furlong, the drachm and the fluid scruple (composed, naturally, of 20 minims) to common usage. De-decimalise not just the US dollar, but every currency. And let’s stop blasting holes in mountainsides – just let the damn road have a few switchbacks.

Our society is hooked on efficiency. People work to optimise their lives, multitasking every possible activity, looking to force every possible minute out of the day to be productive, turning hobbies into “side hustles” – and from this they suffer. That much, many seem to know. But do they realise how they also suffer from standardised plurals, from oh-so-easy maths and from the abandonment of the little joys of an existence filled with unnecessary journeys down the side paths of life?