Life, loneliness and mental health

IN A world that seems more connected than ever, loneliness remains a prevalent silent issue, affecting individuals across all walks of life.

While technology has brought people closer through digital communication tools such as Facetime, Zoom and Microsoft Teams, the quality and depth of human connections have often suffered. Technology mimics but often fails to fully replicate in-person interactions – a basic human need.

There is an epidemic of loneliness, which threatens both health and happiness.

Yet loneliness is not a malady that is easy to admit. There is a sense of deep shame attached to being lonely; nobody wants to be thought of as unpopular, unlikeable or lacking in friends.

According to US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, about half of adults in America reported experiencing loneliness – and this was before the Covid-19 pandemic, which would have cut off many more individuals from friends, loved ones and support systems.

As in the early days of mental health awareness, there is a stigma associated with loneliness. Murthy observes that many people struggle with but do not talk about it, and have trouble even admitting to themselves that they are lonely.

To put matters in a medical context, Murthy compares the effects of loneliness to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It rivals excessive drinking in terms of damaging health and shortening lives, and also has profound effects on mental health.

Understanding loneliness

Loneliness is more than simply being alone. It is a subjective experience of feeling socially disconnected, isolated, and lacking meaningful relationships.

It can occur despite being surrounded by people, and can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, or socio-economic background. Possible causes include geographic distance from loved ones, transitions in life, social anxiety, or simply a lack of shared interests.

It is not just a passing emotional state, as it can have far-reaching implications for an individual’s well-being.

Research has shown that chronic loneliness is associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, reduced cognitive function, and even increased mortality risk. It can raise the likelihood of developing cardiovascular issues, a weakened immune system, and disrupted sleep patterns.

The English Longitudinal Study of Ageing points in the same unwelcome direction. The long-term study began in 2002 and looks at thousands of participants aged over 50, at two-year-intervals. It found that loneliness or social isolation was associated with conditions such as depression, dementia, heart attacks, long-term lung disease and frailty.

Possible antidotes

To start tackling loneliness, the UK-based organisation Campaign to End Loneliness recommends simple initial steps such as saying “hello” to a neighbour. Joining local hobby or interest groups, ranging from art to sport, can provide like-minded interaction.

For men, volunteering can be particularly appealing, as many might shy away from receiving support themselves but be open to helping others.

Other tips include having face-to-face interactions and activities that will encourage one to put aside electronic devices.

The campaign group estimates that by 2026, there will be two million people in the UK aged over 50 who experience loneliness.

Despite the name, the Campaign to End Loneliness is not unrealistic in its aims: it recognises that loneliness cannot be truly eradicated. Still, its efforts to connect individuals can at least help to banish the shame associated with loneliness.

I myself am no expert in the eradication of loneliness. However, since becoming a senior, I have adopted some small steps to try and steer myself away from it.

First, practise self-reflection and acceptance. Start by acknowledging your feelings of loneliness and understanding that it is a common human experience. Allow yourself to feel the emotions without judgment or shame. It trumps being in denial.

Second, reach out to others. Take the initiative to reconnect with old friends, family members or acquaintances. Initiate conversations, plan outings or join social groups that align with your interests. Volunteering or engaging in community or religious-based activities can also provide opportunities for connection.

The caveat – and lesson I learned – is that not everyone you approach may be in the same place or have the desire to reconnect, and one should not feel offended or even angry if their efforts are unrequited.

Third, cultivate new connections. Step out of your comfort zone and seek out new social opportunities. Attend workshops, classes, or hobby groups that align with your passions. Explore online communities and forums centred around your interests to connect with like-minded individuals, particularly younger ones and those with different backgrounds and experiences.

In this regard, volunteering and giving your time to mentor can be a fulfilling endeavour. As a mentor, one probably benefits as much, if not more than the mentee.

In my experience, it has been a net gain as my younger friends have “reverse-mentored” me – from enlightening me on present-day perspectives of life, to showing the importance of acquiring a modicum of technology savviness for successful modern-day living.

Fourth, embrace technology mindfully. While technology can exacerbate loneliness, it can also be a valuable tool for connection.

Utilise social media platforms and online communities positively, but be mindful of the time spent online and prioritise face-to-face interactions, whenever possible.

Over the Covid pandemic, LinkedIn and Zoom provided me with a lifeline and the opportunity to meet individuals from varied backgrounds, whom I would otherwise have been unable to interact with. It reminded me of my pen pal days of the last millennium, but greatly amped up with sound, visuals and instantaneous connections across multiple time zones and geography.

Fifth, spend time on self-care and hobbies. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment can help combat loneliness. Invest time in hobbies, exercise regularly, prioritise self-care and explore new interests. For me, building an interest in gardening and literally sharing the fruits of my labour with others has provided conversation openers.

Sixth, seek professional help. If feelings of loneliness persist and significantly impact your daily life, consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor.

There is no shame in getting help from professionals. They can provide guidance and strategies to address underlying issues and help you develop coping mechanisms. I know, having spoken to friends from these professions.

To be honest, the management roles I’ve held over the decades probably exacerbated the feeling of loneliness. This has, in part, been fed by the corporate myth that leadership is lonely.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. It is important to remember that meaningful connections and fulfillment are within reach. By taking proactive steps to overcome loneliness, we can break free from isolation and build a supportive social network.

Human connections are essential for well-being, and by nurturing them, we can create a happier and more fulfilling life. For that, I am deeply grateful to my family, and greatly appreciative of my friends – old ones, present ones and future ones I have yet to meet.

The writer is group general counsel and chief sustainability officer of Jardine Cycle & Carriage, a member of the Jardine Matheson Group. He is also the CEO of mental health charity Jardine MINDSET