Do we owe our parents a monthly allowance?
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[SINGAPORE] While catching up with friends the other day, one of them casually dropped this question – in front of my dessert, no less: “Eh how much are you guys giving your parents every month?”
The answer is a mixed bag. Some say they send about 10 per cent of their salaries to their parents, while others admit they have not started yet, but are planning to.
One of them simply said he offered, but his parents told him not to give anything (p.s. he’s still figuring out if that was just a test).
But if the parents of Gen Zs (likely Gen X or baby boomers) are more financially secure than we are, is giving a monthly allowance still necessary, or is it just a grown-up thank you card sent via PayNow?
👨👩👦 Rethinking obligation
Given the years and millions of dollars spent raising us, I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable for our parents to want something in return.
However, I see how lines may be blurred when parents feel that they are owed something or entitled to their children’s income.
After all, being expected to pay your parents monthly even when times are tough makes this feel more like an obligation than an act of love. After all, who wants to feel like a means to an end?
Perhaps this expectation made sense for previous generations, in which some parents didn’t have proper pensions or financial plans, let alone CPF Life. Their only retirement plan was to hope their kids made it in life and didn’t forget to support them.
But today, most parents of Gen Zs are still employed, with some being in a far better position financially.
Recently, a friend of mine questioned whether giving her parents a couple of hundred dollars each month would make a difference, considering that they earn much more than she does.
My friend feels financially squeezed by her fresh grad’s salary, as she juggles saving for a BTO flat, repaying student loans and giving her parents an allowance.
Of course, not every family is the same. In other cases, where parents may not be well-off or have expensive medical bills, your financial support actually matters, as any amount pitched in helps.
These days, a fixed monthly allowance may not be the best or only way to show appreciation to those who raised us.
What matters is finding our own meaningful ways to show gratitude. Meanwhile, parents should also understand their children’s financial struggles and not view them as a “great investment” plan or something they’re owed a return on.
🫡 Our duty? When my parents first started working, they gave a monthly allowance to their parents, just as my grandparents did before them. So “naturally”, I believe it is now my turn.
In Asia, this is a common practice rooted in filial piety. But it is quite different in other parts of the world.
According to a friend living in London, adult children rarely give their parents a monthly allowance. They’re instead expected to leave home and become independent at 18.
It’s easy to resent our society’s collectivist expectations when comparing them against other norms elsewhere – because if others don’t do it, why do we?
Although it would be nice to untangle our Asian views on money from morality, those beliefs run deep and are hard to change.
But the way I see it, this tradition should be about the gesture, like a sixth love language rather than a transaction or repayment of debt.
I think this is also why most of us still give our parents a monthly allowance, not because we really need to, but because we want to. Even if our parents are more financially secure, the allowance may still act as a subtle nudge that signals our gratitude.
💲 The “right” amount
When I received my first paycheque, I feared that sending a sum that looked too small would paint me as a stingy, unfilial daughter. But is there ever a “right” amount?
According to a survey by Milieu Insight, about half of Gen Zs give 10 to 20 per cent of their monthly salaries to their parents, while 45 per cent give between S$300 to S$500 a month.
That said, not everyone gives cash; some top up their parents’ CPF or cover groceries and utility bills. I also have peers who set up investment plans for their parents, so they can earn passive income after they retire.
It may be awkward to talk about money with your parents. But having a conversation can help set healthy boundaries and expectations.
Here are some possible discussion pointers:
- Assess your disposable income and savings goals
- Understand your parents’ financial needs
- Explore non-cash support options
- Anticipate future changes in your parents’ financial situation
- Discuss how the allowance amount may change with time
Ultimately, what you give depends on your individual circumstances. But from my perspective, one should always be able to take care of themselves before they can do so for others.
TL;DR
- Our Asian values tell us that repaying our parents financially is a child’s duty
- But in today’s world, this default may no longer be applicable
- Ultimately, the choice to give your parents an allowance – and how much to give – rests on an individual’s circumstances
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