Fathers and sons: What inspires us

Linus Lim

CEO, Phillip Capital Management

When my siblings and I were young, we watched with our father the film Chariots of Fire (1981), which is a true story of two runners competing in the Olympics. The film taught us kids a lot about hard work, dedication and never giving up, even when obstacles arise. It taught us that life is like a marathon – not a sprint – so we have to pace ourselves and allocate our energies appropriately, so we can have a strong finish. 

My father (Phillip Capital founder and chairman Lim Hua Min) was an avid runner when he was younger. He ran cross-country in Victoria School. Even now, he still runs 5 km a week. He’s active in the business, and remains a source of inspiration for us.

As a child, I loved Rudyard Kipling’s book The Jungle Book (1894). It’s about an abandoned human child, Mowgli, who is raised by wolves led by Akela, the alpha wolf. Besides Akela, Mowgli is also mentored by Bagheera the panther and Baloo the bear. When Akela is killed, Bagheera and Baloo take over as father figures to Mowgli.

When I first encountered the story, I didn’t understand why Mowgli needed three fathers. But now that I’m a father to three young children, aged between one and four, I see things differently. Akela, Bagheera and Baloo have different personalities – Akela is the strict disciplinarian, Bagheera the wise mentor, and Baloo the fun-loving teacher.

Children need their fathers to be multifaceted. They need someone to set boundaries and enforce rules, someone to provide wisdom and guidance, and someone to bring joy and teach them to enjoy life. This diversity in parenting helps them grow into well-rounded individuals who are strong, capable, optimistic and joyful. You can’t just focus on one aspect of parenting – you have to embrace all the different roles.

Eugene Tan

CEO, National Gallery Singapore and Singapore Art Museum

Some of the fondest memories of being a father have been experiencing art with my now-19-year-old daughter, Nathalie. Ever since Nathalie was young, I have been getting her to accompany me to art exhibitions, whether at Gillman Barracks – where I would entice her with ice cream so that I could get her to agree to see a few more galleries – or at museums abroad during our holidays. 

Some memorable moments include the time when she was nine and we spent a day in New York City going around the Museum of Modern Art. I brought her to see some of the iconic works of 20th-century Western modern art by some of my favourite artists, such as the conceptual artist Joseph Kosuth.

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On another occasion when she was 12, we visited the Sculpture Project Munster in Germany. While we enjoyed our time cycling through the picturesque city to view the different public artworks, we also discussed issues confronting our world today raised by works such as Mika Rottenberg’s Cosmic Generator. It is a humorous yet poignant portrayal of capitalism and the resilience which drives disadvantaged communities in their bid to survive in our neoliberal societies. 

It is such experiences that have enabled me to impress upon Nathalie the important role that art can play in advocating against injustice in our world today. And while I was initially surprised when she decided to major in art history at university, in hindsight, perhaps I should not have been.

Ian Wong

Head of group international management, UOB

When I was still schooling, my dad would take me on one-on-one outings even though he was juggling multiple jobs, including a part-time bookkeeping role on top of a sales job, just to make ends meet. Those outings, while short, often left the deepest impressions and made me feel truly special.

Decades later, when I was posted overseas to work for seven years, I made it a point to catch up with my dad whenever I returned to Singapore. These one-on-one engagements, which we continue till today – whether a morning walk at the Botanic Gardens, a chat over kopi, a foot massage or a simple meal – are more up-close and personal. 

We share our life stories, fears, frustrations and joyous encounters. We provide mentorship to each other, discussing how to be present, embrace optimism and let things go when they truly do not matter. Till today, his constant reminders to keep helping others and to “be happy, always” in whatever I do are some nuggets of wisdom I cherish.

As a dad to two children, I have also been intentional in engaging them one-on-one. These engagements allow us to step into each other’s world. When appropriate, mentoring and reverse mentoring happen in good time and space. My kids humble me – they remind me not to overthink, especially on issues that do not matter. They are also a great sounding board, and don’t shy away from telling me that certain approaches may not resonate with my younger team members.

Fathers are unsung heroes and perhaps the most misunderstood species in the world. I encourage all of us to not just work hard for our children, but also be more intentional in spending quality time with them – especially one-on-one, as my father did with me.

Rene Tan

Architect, co-founder and director, RT+Q

I grew up in a house that was always filled with crackling, worn-out vinyls, dusty books from my father’s modest library, and art everywhere. I absorbed from my father these extracurricular lessons which school never taught me. My father would spend hours explaining why jazz brought him joy, how art liberated his world perspectives, and how all these things are interrelated with one another.

One of the most memorable moments in my life was when he gifted me a book titled Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters after the birth of my daughter, Lara. Today, I pass on the wisdom from the book – although in modified forms to keep up with the times – to Lara, who is now 19. She attends Harvard and aspires to be an opera singer. Lara’s mother Woei Woei and I live a simple existence where fulfilment comes from seeing Lara develop as a young woman. 

I’ve spent time ensuring Lara doesn’t discover the architecture profession, and instead finds a life as different from mine as possible. Our family bonding time includes searching for the next ski slope, looking for concert tickets, or just driving around debating who the most important composers are. Regardless, my only reminder to her is that music is the only love that will never desert her. 

Ironically, it has taken me some years to realise a father cannot do it all by himself – that behind fathers are yet stronger mothers. Lara reminds me mothers are often the leaders of the family, and that I really ought to know my place at home. That’s perhaps one lesson my father missed.

Sebastien Lepinoy

Director of culinary and operations, Les Amis

As a father and son, I have a special place in my heart for Father’s Day; it symbolises the continuation of love through generations. What truly inspires me is the profound sense of responsibility to pass down cherished traditions and values to our six-year-old daughter, ensuring that our culture and language are preserved for her future. 

It’s in these moments of togetherness, whether sharing stories from my childhood or teaching her our native languages (my wife is Korean and I am French), that I feel the true essence of fatherhood. The joy I receive from witnessing her growth and understanding the importance of our heritage is immeasurable. 

Each Father’s Day serves as a reminder of the love I have received from my own father and the love I now have the privilege of giving to my daughter. It’s a beautiful cycle of love, one that I hold dear and am deeply grateful for. So, on this special day, I cherish the moments spent with my daughter, knowing that through our bond, the legacy of love will continue to thrive within our family.

Yong Shu Hoong

Festival director, Singapore Writers Festival, Arts House Limited 

When it comes to books about father-son relationships, one of the best I’ve read is American author Norman Maclean’s A River Runs Through It (1976), which was also adapted into a 1992 film starring Brad Pitt. The semi-autobiographical novella is set in Missoula, Montana, where Maclean and his brother Paul grew up being home-schooled by their stoic but loving father who was a Presbyterian minister. For recreation, the Maclean brothers would join their father fly-fishing for trout in the Blackfoot River.

Touted as one of the greatest fishing books, this is ultimately about the bonds between father and sons, as well as between brothers. This resonates with me, as I grew up with two brothers. My father was not a church pastor but a teacher.

The book begins with the line: “In our family, there was no clear line between religion and fly-fishing.” While my father has never taught me The Westminster Shorter Catechism or fishing, I do remember with fondness how he had given tuition to my brothers and me when we were children, and brought us to the Chinese Swimming Club.

Towards the end of the novella, there is another memorable quote from Maclean’s father: “It is those we live with and love and should know who elude us.” My father is 89 this year. To me, the book provides a reminder of the importance of openness within a family, how we should express our feelings and thoughts to one another while there are still time and opportunities.

Lee Suen Ming

CEO, Thomson Medical Singapore

At around 13 years old, my late father had to give up his studies to support his family and pay for his younger siblings’ education. It was a difficult decision to take and a tremendous sacrifice. He raised me to cherish the opportunities I was given to pursue my studies and his sacrifice has always been a constant inspiration to me to always do my best. I have passed these values down to my children and inculcated in them the importance of doing their best in all their endeavours.

As I have benefited much from studying at Temasek Junior College (TJC), I was pleased that all my children chose my alma mater for their education. I am forever grateful to all the teachers there who taught my children and me. Hence, when I was approached to join TJC’s Advisory Committee, I gladly accepted the opportunity to give back to the college where my children and I are proud to be alumni.

I am happy that my children have done their best academically – and more importantly, found their own paths. My eldest child has graduated from Singapore Management University; my second child is a fourth-year undergraduate at Nanyang Technological University; and my youngest child is starting his undergraduate studies at National University of Singapore this year. I am sure my late father would be very proud of his grandchildren’s achievements.