Leaders, kindness and mental health

THE prominent American literary figure Henry James made these remarks on kindness: “Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.”

Henry James died in 1916 – in the midst of the turbulent first world war. One wonders if that experience forged the articulation of his wisdom on the connection between human life and kindness.

As our world emerges from the global Covid-19 pandemic that has transformed (and in some cases ravaged) the lives of many at every level, many leaders and those they lead struggle with intense challenges and difficult times that they have hitherto not encountered in their living memory.

These challenges range from employees who live alone straining to stay focused while isolated from loved ones and traditional social support networks, to caregivers who have reached the end-of-the-line in caring for ailing family members or children with special needs while still tethered to the demands of work through the technological reach of remote virtual meetings. Then there are the individuals who fret over their physical and financial well-being in the midst of employers like Tesla demanding a return to the physical workplace, to the struggle with inflation, a war in Ukraine, and the possible emergence of new pestilences like monkeypox.

Over the past few years, each of us would have (at some point or other) felt anxious, stressed out, or being somewhat thrown off balance - not quite comprehending the seemingly continuing onslaught of challenges.

Kindness - a management tool

Those of us who are fortunate to have received management training also struggle even as we rummage through our management toolkit for possible solutions and fixes to address an evolving once-in-a-lifetime crisis that doesn’t seem to have an end point. 

In the absence of useful tools, it is probably apt to return to basic principles. 

As leaders dealing with humans we should probably remind ourselves of the important tenet of being human: The need to be kind to one another.

So, what is kindness? 

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The Oxford dictionary defines kindness as ‘the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate’. Put another way, it is doing something towards others or even oneself, motivated by the genuine desire to make a positive difference.  

We know from research that kindness and our mental health are deeply connected. In a 2014 scientific report on ‘health, happiness, longevity and helping others’, it was reported that kindness is an antidote to isolation and creates a sense of belonging. It helps reduce stress, brings a fresh perspective, and deepens friendships. Kindness to ourselves can prevent shame from corroding our sense of identity and help boost our self-esteem.  Kindness can even improve feelings of confidence and optimism.

The global analytics firm Gallup has studied the concerns, worries and  fears of individuals during nearly every major crisis of the past decades - from the Great Depression, the Pearl Harbour attack, the Kennedy assassination, to 9/11, the 2008 global financial crash, and now the Covid-19 pandemic.

One thing is clear from their studies: Individuals look to leadership and leaders for a crisis management plan - and to provide confidence that there is a way forward that they can stand with and contribute to.

In times of crisis, there are two possible directions that human nature can take us: Experiencing fear and helplessness; or developing self-actualisation and engagement. On the latter, if leaders have a clear way forward, human beings are amazingly resilient in following the direction of their leaders. This is a well-documented outcome known as the ‘rally effect’. 

According to a recent Gallup survey, less than half of employees (45 per cent) feel that their employer cares about their well-being. Practising active, habitual kindness can transform the workplace (physical or virtual) and ‘humanise’ it. This can come through simple acts and words of reassurance, compassionate listening, a conscious effort to provide encouragement or emotional support – all of which go a long way in demonstrating kindness to employees.

Kindness - a strength

Interestingly, the notion of kindness in the form of leaders speaking the simplest words of encouragement and offering supportive gestures, is often a source of bewilderment to those in leadership: Being kind is perceived as the antithesis to the admired and coveted qualities of being steely and unemotional in confronting challenges, in order to overcome them – having a so-called ‘game face’ that leaders often mistakenly convince themselves to put on.

However, great leaders attest that it is not a sign of weakness or relinquishing authority to be kind, to offer encouragement and show genuine interest in employees’ mental well-being in difficult times. 

One excellent example of a leader who excels in this aspect is New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern. She has powerfully demonstrated that a leader can at once be forceful and yet compassionate and kind. She has recounted that one of the criticisms she has faced over the years as a leader is that “I’m not aggressive enough or assertive enough, or maybe somehow, because I’m empathetic, it means I’m weak”. She asserts : “I totally rebel against that. I refuse to believe that you cannot be both compassionate and strong.”

She makes a powerful and compelling point.

Kindness & mental health

According to the Mayo Clinic, physiologically, kindness can positively change our brain. Being kind boosts serotonin and dopamine, which are neurotransmitters in the brain that give us feelings of satisfaction and well-being and cause the pleasure/reward centres in our brain to light up. Endorphins, which are our body’s natural pain killer, can also be released. 

Kindness also reduces the production of the body’s stress hormone, cortisol. A University of British Columbia study reports that consistently kind people have 23 per cent less cortisol and age slower than the average population – suggesting that elements of the ‘fountain of youth’ are found in being kind.

When receiving kindness, there is also a sense of belonging, feeling important to someone, and feeling cared for. The act of expressing kindness works both ways – for the individual showing kindness and the one receiving it: The part of the brain that lights up in the recipient of a kind act, also lights up in the brain of the giver, so all involved experience a similar positive wave of emotion. Kindness has also been shown to have a contagious effect, with recipients of kindness often inspired to pass kindness on to others.  

There are also studies that report the positive impact of kindness on depression.  Dr Stephen Post of Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine found that when we give of ourselves, everything from life satisfaction to self-realisation and physical health is significantly improved. Depressive symptoms are reduced, and well-being increased. 

Kindness & infectious leaders

The publication Psychology Today reports that kind leaders and bosses have been shown to increase morale, decrease absenteeism and retain employees longer. It is postulated that kind bosses may even prolong the lives of their employees by decreasing their stress levels, which improves cardiovascular health.

Many of these observations stem from the fact that emotions are infectious. They flow from the most powerful person in the room or workplace (the leader), as demonstrated by research done by Dr Elaine Hatfield at the University of Hawaii. This highlights the critical aspect of leadership called ‘tone from the top’. In this case, leaders who demonstrate kindness create productive and happy workplaces, which in turn impacts the mental health and wellness of all in the workplace –  thereby creating a virtuous ecosystem.

Now that leaders are aware of the connection between kindness and mental health, they carry the responsibility to demonstrate this through their words and actions. Embracing this behaviour may initially feel awkward or unnatural, but the benefits are patently evident, and leaders will need to challenge themselves to rise up and lead in this area.

If leaders are still hesitant in demonstrating kindness to support mental health, the words of an enlightened leader – the Dalai Lama – can probably provide the required nudge and encouragement to get them started: 

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”

Jeffery Tan is Group General Counsel and Chief Sustainability Officer of Jardine Cycle & Carriage, a member of the Jardine Matheson Group. He is also CEO of mental health charity Jardine MINDSET and serves on the boards of the Singapore International Chamber of Commerce, City Mental Health Alliance Singapore, and the Global Guiding Council of One Mind At Work. He is also advisor to the Sustainability Panel of SGX association SGListcos.