Want to show appreciation for the women at your workplace? Try empathy, not flowers

I MIGHT be too late to the International Women’s Day game, but in my defence, according to internationalwomensday.com, the first International Women’s Day was observed by a few countries on March 19, 1911.

How we arrived at March 8, though, is because Russian women marked their first International Women’s Day on February 23, 1917, according to the Julian calendar, with a strike – this was the equivalent of March 8 on the Gregorian calendar.

While this day started out standing for the global fight against oppression and deprivation of basic rights, today it has become a day of appreciation for women – where at the workplace, for instance, the women might receive flowers and tribute posts on LinkedIn; perhaps a handwritten note on their desks in gratitude for the little things they do.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s always nice to be appreciated. But if we look at the original purpose of International Women’s Day, there’s actually quite a lot to be said – and more importantly, done – to show real, meaningful recognition.

A truly gender-equal workplace is the greatest appreciation one can accord women

It’s tempting to think that it’s a matter of taking the effort to hire a workforce that has roughly equivalent numbers of men and women among its rank and file, or even in its leadership.

But if you’ll indulge me a thought experiment here – what if a company’s management could on International Women’s Day announce that it would act to close the gender pay gap for individuals working at the same level and in similar roles, and at similar performance levels?

Beyond things being focused on a single day, could we explore meaningfully changing how we think of, interact with and treat women at the workplace on the whole? I’d like to suggest a few ways you could do this – if you’re a manager, an employer, or even a colleague to women:

1. Respect women as you would like your daughter to be respected.

Sadly, there continue to be anecdotes aplenty of women being at the receiving end of comments like, “If you’re here, who’s looking after the children?” and “Are you having your period now?” as well as “We can’t take you seriously because you’re too emotional”.

I have a friend who returned from maternity leave to be told by her colleague, “Welcome back, please don’t get pregnant again.”

Too many occasions of women with good ideas who are ignored, only for a man to say the same thing minutes later and be praised all round.

All this and I haven’t touched on comments – or worse, gestures – relating to appearance, body shape, body parts and fertility.

The idealistic part of me believes that the situation is largely improving with the younger generations, with of course a dollop of bad apples that will always exist here or there. But these scenarios will become fewer and less common when people eventually realise, with greater empathy, how offensive these offhanded remarks or actions can be.

2. If you have working mothers reporting to you, focus on tasks and outcomes instead of time spent

It’s hard to explain how overwhelming returning to work from maternity leave can be for a new mother, whether it’s their first or second or fourth child.

There’s the need to establish a new routine between work and home, the endless needs of the household on her mind, pumping (if she’s breastfeeding), children falling sick from school exposure, the insecurity of getting back into the groove of things, and the immense guilt every working mother feels for proverbially “choosing career over child”.

That being said, there are of course some mothers who are fortunate to have a sufficient support system that allows them to be more ambitious and career-driven, so I would be the first to clarify that one must not assume all working mothers have the same needs.

Either way, it would on the whole be far more helpful to a mother in your employ – or indeed, a young father too – to focus on deliverables over the hours they clock in at work. Doing so accords the flexibility for the parent to attend to the needs of their household while still putting in the time to get the work they are assigned done in a timely fashion.

This means allowing her to take pockets of time off during the day to, for instance, bring her sick child to the paediatrician, or to run other urgent errands, and not demand that she take formal leave to do so. If you have a pregnant employee, you could give her time off for her gynaecologist appointments.

Not obsessing about whether this employee turns up at the office and sits down at her table by 9am sharp and stays all the way until after you leave the office while getting fined by the minute for not picking up her child from the care centre on time will go a long way in showing you care, understand and empathise with her challenges, and are willing to work with her to make things work.

The great thing? She will find a way to still deliver and be accountable. In the meantime…

3. Reward the women who are performing well with proper pay raises and promotions

I hinted at this earlier on, and it really doesn’t need to be a thought experiment. If you want to recognise the hard work a woman has put into her role at your company, say thank you with a promotion or pay raise – preferably to match the men who work roles at the same level as her.

Closing the gender pay gap will be an ongoing effort globally for employers – this if they even choose to take this up in the first place. Needless to say, a woman has equivalent need to provide for her family – be it children or elderly parents they care and provide for – as a man with similar circumstances.

So why the disparity? It really is simple, yet the most sincere way you can express your appreciation and to show a female employee that you value her contributions to the company. And finally:

4. Don’t dismiss the woman who decides to take a step back for awhile (and accept the consequences of doing so)

There will be seasons in a working mother’s life where, if for her, family comes first, she may opt to scale back on the workload she is carrying in order to fulfil the responsibilities in her life more sustainably.

This is probably tapping on the highest levels of empathy and patience a boss might have, but if you can be patient with her while she takes this time to find her footing – and work out an amended job scope, perhaps, in the meantime – it will go a long way in showing you care and understand the already-very-difficult decision she made to do this.

Why difficult? Because she knows she will be passed over for promotions, opportunities, or progression – entirely reasonable, of course – and will collect smaller bonuses, perhaps even accepting much smaller or no pay adjustments in this time.

Crucially, a woman needs to come to this decision on her own – the compromise she has to make, and the sacrifices it entails, will have to be hers to bear as well, but journeying with her through this time as far as management is able to balance the company’s priorities is without a doubt a gesture many, many others don’t, and sadly will never make the effort to do.

Happy Women’s Day – here’s hoping we can all find ways to truly show empathy and care for the many women who work with and for us.