What to do when you have a horrible boss

“Pls fix. ASAP.”

“Everyone has to pull their weight because we’re a family.”

“Don’t be so emotional.”

Sounds familiar? As if work isn’t tough enough, having a less-than-desirable manager can turn a dream job into your greatest nightmare. From micromanagement to patronising treatment and other toxic behaviour, the countless horror stories only show how incredibly challenging and stressful it can be.

Your relationship with your superior can make or break your working experience, especially if your job requires that you work closely with your boss, and if this person is also the key decision maker affecting your prospects at the company, performance-wise.

So what can you do if you realise you have a boss you can’t work with? Here are three tips I got from speaking to Rumi Mohd, associate director at recruitment agency Randstad Singapore:

1. Evaluate how bad your boss is

First things first: it is rare to only have good bosses throughout our career.

“Once in a while, we will find ourselves working for an unreasonable boss, particularly due to their difficulties in managing people,” Rumi says.

How do you know you have a bad boss? How this person makes you feel about the work you do does come into play, but also look out for these things, which your manager may do some or many of:

• Micromanagement;
• Using inappropriate tone and language such as shouting, sarcasm, condescension, passive-aggressive comments, and hurling insults at staff;
• Taking credit for the team’s good work, and blaming individuals for team-wide failures;
• Gaslighting – sowing doubt in your mind about your reality, and making you unsure about your perception of events;
• Gossiping about other colleagues with you or other members of your team reporting to them;
• Poor communication – this can be failing to respond to staff queries, delaying approvals or sharing information until the last minute or when it’s too late, and even outright ghosting the team;
• Refusing to address or resolve conflict, or going as far as to pit team members against one another;
• Overloading you with work;
• Displaying favouritism;
• Making decisions that impact the team without consulting them or providing necessary support;
• Having a lack of empathy – refusing to give staff time off in bereavement, for instance, and judging or marking down staff for taking medical leave; and
• General unprofessional behaviour that might include dressing inappropriately, harassing staff, blatantly misbehaving or breaking company rules or guidelines on conduct.

“Ultimately, these issues tend to stem from a lack of trust and poor communication in the workplace,” says Rumi.

Bosses are more likely to micromanage, he notes, when they do not trust their staff to perform their duties responsibly. Poor communication often creates frustration and friction in the workplace, as employees find themselves acting on unclear instructions.

2. Can the problems be solved?

Before you start typing out that resignation letter, it might be useful to take a step back and evaluate if your present work situation is still salvageable. This is especially worth considering if other aspects of your work are good – perhaps you have positive working relationships with your other colleagues, good work-life balance and do find general fulfilment in your work.

Sometimes, poor managers might not even realise that their actions are causing their employees grief.

If it is plausible (that is, your relationship hasn’t gone beyond repair), you may want to consider tactfully pointing out these issues you face to him. You could speak to this manager over a performance review, a mid-point check-in session, or even ask him out for lunch or a coffee.

Avoid framing your comments too personally – it may also be wise to have a trusted third party review what you plan to say – instead, focus on specific actions and issues, and emphasise that the goal is to achieve better outcomes for both parties. Of course, we’re assuming here that there does exist a sense of professional trust and safety, so try to establish a positive relationship first before pointing out your manager’s flaws.

“As a starting point, employees should put in effort to build a professional and healthy relationship whenever they work with a new boss,” says Rumi.

It’s worth also first observing to see if your boss might be facing personal challenges. For example, if he starts working longer hours than usual or becomes less responsive than he used to be, it could signal that he is facing additional pressure (possibly at work or home).

In situations like these, you could proactively offer your support (within the right boundaries, of course). Lending your superior a hand could help alleviate his stress and strengthen your working relationship with him.

3. Situation unsalvageable? Act quickly, cut your losses

All this being said, there are many cases where the relationship between superior and subordinate is strained beyond repair. Some managers are verbally and psychologically abusive, yelling at their staff, gaslighting, and denigrating them. In extreme cases, they may even be physically abusive.

“When you dread going to work and spend effort to avoid any interactions with your boss, continuing your employment with your company could lead to prolonged mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression,” warns Rumi.

Here’s what you can do if saying goodbye to your manager is the only remaining way forward:

• Refrain from heated confrontations, as they will probably cause more damage to your working relationship and your mental health;
• Think about whether it’s safe for you to continue working with your employer. Choosing to quit without a job lined up may not be ideal, but it might be necessary for you to take the time to reset your mental state while seeking new employment;
• Even though you’re in a rush to find somewhere else to work, ensure that you conduct extensive research through platforms such as Glassdoor to find out more about a potential next employer’s organisational culture. Ask your next interviewer questions about their company’s reporting structure and overall working style to gain a deeper understanding of the environment before you dive in;
• Consider a transfer within the company; looking into other positions within the same organisation that might interest you could be worthwhile. Meet colleagues and managers from other departments, and see if your existing skills are applicable to the position you’re looking at before making a case for your transition; and
• Approach your company’s human resources (HR) department for advice on possible solutions you might not have already thought of.

Whether you choose to leave an organisation due to a toxic boss, or stay and fight to make it work, it’s important to take charge of your career. Sometimes, throwing in the towel is the best thing to do for yourself and your well-being, towards a more sustainable future that you need and deserve.

This article first appeared in the Thrive newsletter. Thrive is The Business Times’ young audience initiative. Subscribe to Thrive at bt.sg/thrive. Do also follow Thrive on Instagram and TikTok.