Give willingly, not out of duty
THE question posed in The Business Times’ article “Do we owe our parents a monthly allowance?” (Oct 27) does not always have a binary answer.
By the same token, should a husband pay his wife an allowance for doing housework? Isn’t payment a recognition of labour that might otherwise be taken for granted?
Or would this compensation actually miss the point of partnership? Would payment devalue the emotional and physical labour involved, turning homemaking and childcare into a transaction rather than a shared contribution?
Applying this logic back to one’s parents, then, means that you give them a stipend not because you feel obligated to out of filial piety, but because it is an expression of your love for them.
Of course, there are parents who expect nothing from their children, and there are those who do have expectations, especially when their children are mature and working.
Regardless, I think a parent – especially a non-earning one – would appreciate being given money. It should be a pleasure to give money to one’s parents, just as it was a joy to receive it from them when one was a child.
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This discussion often becomes relevant when parents move in with their grown children, after their earning potential has dropped. If the children are successful and can spare the money, they can put some towards supporting their parents.
The support arrangements depend on the family – their affluence or lack of it – and their own relational dynamics. Giving money on a monthly basis should not be the only way to accord parents recognition, especially for families with means.
However, if one’s parents are still working laborious or menial jobs, then an allowance would no doubt go a long way in making their lives more comfortable.
Ultimately, while giving can be an act of love, it is not an obligation. No one owes anyone their labour or the fruit of it – you can choose to give it for your own reasons, but no one should expect it.
Francis Cheng
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