“KEEP in touch!” I said to a colleague on her last day of work.

“Of course! We’re friends, you know,” she replied.

Her comment took me by surprise, as she was, to me, someone who had clear boundaries between personal and work relationships. But I guess the lines had blurred somewhat in the four years we’d worked together.

I believe that our scenario is not unique.

As many Singaporeans spend more than eight hours a day at work, it is no wonder that the office can feel like a second home, with colleagues being the people we see most often. 

With such long hours spent together, it is no surprise that conversations and relationships do turn personal.

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Colleagues vs friends

I’m sure many of us have been on the receiving end of well-meaning unsolicited advice dispensed from seniors in family and school about workplace decorum.

“Keep it professional; don’t tell your colleagues too much.”

“Colleagues will never be your friends, so don’t spend too much time mingling.”

I suppose there is some truth to this. We all know of someone who has had a bad experience with a colleague he thought could be trusted with secrets. In fact, I had a friend who lost her job because she trusted her colleague with certain confidential information.

Lee Kang Yam, chief learning curator of skills training firm Flame Centre, said that sometimes, oversharing with a colleague is just another form of manipulation, to get sympathy and emotional leverage over the other party. 

He also warned that sharing secrets can give others leverage over you, which can be exploited if the “friendship” is no longer useful to them, or if there is a conflict of interest.

David Blasco Ramirez, general manager at Randstad Singapore, added: “Sharing sensitive data is not only a breach of trust, but it can also harm your professional reputation and cost you your job if the organisation’s security and competitiveness are jeopardised.”

He added: “Be aware that your colleague may have certain professional obligations to maintain confidentiality in the workplace. Sharing certain secrets might put them in a difficult position, especially if there are ethical considerations and choices involved.”

While it is natural to bond with colleagues outside of work, having uninhibited work friendships can blur the lines between personal and professional life, potentially leading to an entanglement of both areas and causing undue stress.

That said, I find it quite hard to adhere to rigid personal-professional boundaries. After all, it is the thought of meeting and interacting with colleagues/friends in the office that stimulates me and sometimes helps me to get through the week.

Moreover, it is my colleagues who give me advice whenever I hit a roadblock at work. And I find that it is easier to work with people with whom I have a good relationship.

What advice, then, should be given to people like me?

Ramirez said: “Think about how your relationships with colleagues may affect your career. Networking can be valuable, but be cautious not to let personal connections compromise your professional goals. Only you can make the call on whether you should trust someone. If you do decide to confide in a colleague, choose wisely and ensure they are someone you can trust implicitly.”

Differentiating the groups

I feel that it is possible to have meaningful friendships with colleagues while being professional.

The key is to strike the right balance. For me, categorising my workplace friendships has helped make the boundaries less rigid and more manageable.

Workplace BFF

This is the best friend at your workplace, someone you hold in high regard and can talk to about almost anything.

Workplace friendly

These are people whom you will definitely keep in touch with even after they leave the organisation. You are on the same wavelength as them and can share a good joke together any time of the day.

Workplace acquaintance

Many of our colleagues will probably fall into this category. These acquaintances are those with whom you are cordial at work, but most likely, your paths will not cross again should either of you leave the company. 

Friends at work are like family members that you choose for yourself. And while it’s okay to discuss personal matters occasionally, try to keep work-related discussions in the office and personal matters outside of it.

In work settings, such as professional events, meetings and discussions, continue to adopt appropriate professional language and behaviour when interacting with friends at work. Avoid inside jokes or references that may make others feel excluded or uncomfortable.